


Carved Bird

by suzuya_trash



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Angst, But whatever, F/M, Healing, I mean, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rinoa knows how to get to him though, Squall has emotions, Trauma, he don't know how to deal with his feels, he just struggles, i'd be traumatized, i'll probably write more, like he was tortured, this might be a continuing thing, what are these tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 16:32:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12280293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzuya_trash/pseuds/suzuya_trash
Summary: ya'll squall has a bad dream and everyone be like dude what up and he's like it's nothing because i have no emotions but Rinoa won't take that shit for an answer





	Carved Bird

His wrists stung from the cuffs cutting into his arms. Blood trickled down his right arm and down his side. He ripped his skin during the struggle, apparently. His whole body felt slightly burnt, especially in the places that had conducted the most electricity. The smell of his own burning flesh caused him to vomit onto his chest. 

The door opened, and Squall released tension in his arms in defeat. Not again. He couldn’t take it again. Somehow he had to. 

Seifer strolled up to him and put a hand to Squall’s face. He jerked away, letting the hatred shine through his eyes. “So, do you feel like telling us what you know now?” He touched the puke on Squall’s chest with a gloved hand. “If not, we might have to start killing your friends. I always found Zell incredibly irritating.” 

Squall’s heart sunk. He didn’t want harm to come to any of the others. Desperately, he hoped Seifer was bluffing. 

He wiped the puke back onto Squall’s cheek. “You can have this back.” Squall just hung his head. He had never loved Seifer, but they did grow up at the garden together. They had shared a kinship of sorts. Not anymore, though. 

“So, do you have anything to say to me?” They held eye contact for a couple of seconds. “Oh well. You were always quiet.” He turned to the torturer. “Do what you can.” He turned to walk away with a spring in his step. 

“Seifer.” Squall grunted, speaking as loud as he could. 

“Oh?”

“Fuck you.” Squall’s smile turned to screams as the electricity started again. 

 

~~~

 

He woke up to Irvine shaking him. Everyone else looked from their sleeping bags with worried faces. “Are you okay?” Irvine leaned back and allowed Squall to sit up. 

He didn’t say anything. 

“Dude, you woke everyone up with that god-awful ‘mare you were having.” 

“I’m fine.” (I wish Quistis would stop looking at me like that)

Rinoa stormed up to him, the long flannel shirt she slept in waving gently in the wind. “You are not.” She shoved a water bottle in his face and sat on his legs, looking him right in the eye.

“Get off me.” (who said she could get in my space like this anyway...I guess it is Rinoa, after all)

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

Irvine had moved back, allowing Rinoa to do her work. Zell, Quistis, and Selphie sat in their sleeping bags, looking at their hands. 

Squall took a drink of the water. “Do you really need to know? It’s not that big of a deal.”

Rinoa nodded vigorously. “You’re trying to carry so much weight on your own. It’s obviously not good for you.” 

Squall looked at the bandages on his wrists. “Look, Seifer put me through hell. I’m bound to have a bad dream about it once or twice.” He took another drink of the water. “It’s not that big of a deal.” (I don’t want to show them how much it affected me. Will they see me as weak?)

Rinoa nodded, satisfied. She grabbed his hands and stood up. “Come on. Let’s go for a walk.”

Squall sighed, standing up with her. He would deny, but by this point he had learned that Rinoa was not one to give up so easily. 

“Here, take a light.” Zell tosses a pocket lantern at Squall. “And dude, we’re all here for you.” Squall caught it and gave Zell a nod. 

Rinoa led Squall gently by the wrist as they stepped into the forest. Their bare feet crunched on dry fall leaves, and the wind stirred them around their shins. (I guess it’s not that cold) 

Once they were a good distance away, Rinoa turned to him and crossed her arms. “Tell me exactly what Seifer did to you in there. Something like this isn’t ‘no big deal’” she imitated his remark from earlier in a voice meant to be his. 

(Do I really sound like that?) He Sighed. He was so closed off, and didn’t want to share what happened to him, but the look in Rinoa’s eyes somehow made it feel like something he should do. “Seifer...he acted like I had some secret. Like the Garden’s has some hidden motive that for some reason I would know and he wouldn’t. I told him the truth. I told him there was nothing, but he didn’t believe me. And...he tortured me. I didn’t know being electrocuted could hurt that much. I didn’t think I could smell my own burnt flesh like that. I wanted it to end so badly, but there was nothing I could do. And he threatened to kill you guys and then tortured me more and more and...” his breath started getting rapid, and his throat was choking up. (I’ve never gotten stressed like this before. What is this?)

Rinoa huffed him suddenly. “See? That’s terrible.” She put his face in her hand gently. For a moment, it reminded him of Seifer, but her warmth overshadowed. “You can’t just deal with something like that like it never happened.” 

She pulled him to the ground as his breath continued to quicken. She sat next to him and rubbed his shoulder, knowing there was really nothing she could do but sit with him through it. (I can’t breathe. It’s going to happen all over again. I don’t want that to happen again. My face feels numb.) 

A few minutes later, he calmed down and rubbed his hands together, trying to ground himself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to see me like that.” (It makes me feel weak. Am I weak?) 

She smiled (God, I loved that smile) “You’re so silly.” 

He raised an eyebrow. (Why would she call me that?)

“Don’t apologize. I’m thanking  _ you _ ,” she poked him in the chest “for opening up to me. I know it’s hard for you. But if you ever feel like doing it again, I’m always going to be here.”

“Thank you. It...it means a lot.” He sighed. “I’m just embarrassed that the rest of them had to see me like that. How many more times am I going to wake you up like that? I’ve dreamt about it every night. Every time I get shocked by static I freeze. The thought of summoning Quezacotl terrifies me.”

“You are not made of stone. You’re allowed to feel like this.” She wiggled her feet gently against his. “Everyone here wishes that it didn’t have to happen to you, but if anyone could take it, it’s you. You’re strong, Leonhart, but your strength doesn’t come from isolation. Remember that.” 

(If I can’t be strong by myself then how can I be strong? Doesn’t strength come from not relying on others? I hate relying on others. But Rinoa makes it feel so...nice) 

They sat in silence for awhile, staring at the moon and listening to the sounds of the forest. Squall stood up and offered Rinoa a hand. She jumped up and continued to hold his hand, interlocking her fingers and swinging gently. “Let’s go back and go to bed.”

He walked with her. Everything she did was so gentle. “You know, I’ve never talked to anyone like this.” (I’ve never had anyone to talk to)

She laughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk this much, period.” Even he had to smile at that. 

The rest of the group had gone back to sleep. Squall slipped back into his sleeping bag and sat there, biting his lip as he tossed the pocket lantern to the side. 

“What’s wrong?” Rinoa asked, perched next to his sleeping bag. 

“I don’t want to have that nightmare again.” He slumped his shoulders. “The pain feels so real.” (It's like being tortured all over again)

She sat down cross legged. “That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t sleep. You just have to learn to accept it. Remember that your safe now. I can stay with you while you sleep, if you want.” (that would be nice..)

He looked around the group. Irvine was giving him an interesting side eye. He was carving a wooden bird. It had made considerable progress since he had started watch that night. 

He looked at Rinoa and then away. “I’m fine. You go to bed. I’ll try and if it doesn’t work I’ll take watch from Irvine.” (I don’t want them to think she’s my mother)

“Oh, you never change.” She stood up. “Goodnight, Squall.” 

(Goodnight, Rinoa) 

 


End file.
